youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
should my penis look like a turkey
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
