I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
