I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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