I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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