my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
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