Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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