I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
