I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
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