he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
