It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
