I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize