if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
