i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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