I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Randomize
