like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
That's how pantless uber rides happen
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
