i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
