I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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