remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
