saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
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