i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
