I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
