I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
