I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
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