Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
