Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
