Your face is a jimmy john
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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