Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
