So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Randomize
