I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I currently don't understand fingers.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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