He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
