I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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