just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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