i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
