How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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