Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
