Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
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