I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
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