so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
