Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Randomize
