I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
