you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
