I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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