on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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