but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Randomize
