you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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