That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
love makes seman taste better
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize