don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
