Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
My penis needs a shock collar
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
