Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
