sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
