this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
The best revenge is premature balding
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Randomize
