Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Randomize
