what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
