omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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