I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Houston, we have a blender
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
