I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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