I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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