If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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