Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
