don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
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