he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
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