Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
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